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My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
 
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
 
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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong .
 
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."

I asked her, "Where's the car?"

She replied, "In the lake."
 
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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
 
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I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months – I don't like to interrupt her.
 
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My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.

So I got myself two girlfriends.
 
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Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
 
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

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A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."

The next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same: "You can have mine."
 
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It's not true that married men live longer than single men.

It only seems longer.

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Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

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A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.

The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
 
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
 
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